The what, the why and the breakthrough...

The what? You must already know, specially if you read my blog about my many fears. Yeap...swallowing pills.

Here's the why: When I was about 7 or 8, I choked on a marble ball. Why did I have it in my mouth? That's besides the point. It was horrible, I could not breathe, but my uncle found me, put me upside down and hit me on my back until the thing came out. Was that the right method? That's besides the point. Years later (not quite sure how many), I chocked on a nasty, huge, brown capsule, which I can't even remember what it was or what it was for...maybe some type of funky vitamin. Then, when I was about 14 or 15, I choked on a Halls candy, the cherry flavor one. Many other times I tried the capsule and pill thing, but my throat just seemed to close as soon as I would place it in my mouth, so, many times, I choked again...and again. This, until I decided that I was done with these near death experiences and chose to chew my pills instead. If they where capsules, I would open them, empty the powder thing into a small cup and add juice or honey and then drink or eat it, that was if whatever I needed to take did not come in liquid form...which would always be one of my questions. Never have I enjoyed nor craved a mouth full of Advil or antibiotic, but the fear of choking again was worse to me.

The breakthrough? I thought you'd never ask! I have swallowed two antibiotic capsules today and will swallow the third at 11:45pm tonight! The first time was this morning. I asked my Mom to stand next to, in case I choked, but I didn't. The second time I did it, I did not call her, I did it by myself.

You see, this might sound ridiculous to you, even maybe kind of stupid. But to me, it's a reason to celebrate, because it means that I can, with God's help, conquer my fears. I will still get nervous as I swallow, but the more I do it, the more comfortable I will feel. I know that the list is long, as you probably read, but poquito a poco (little by little) every single one of those will be conquered...and I'll make sure you all know, so you can all help me celebrate my freedom.

Walk the talk...my turn (part V)

So...Dr. #5 did not work out (refer to Mar 22 post "Thank God for friends...and chocolate"), so after taking a break for a little while, I continued my adventure.

Went to Dr. #6 (Jesus Gomez) to see if he could do the surgery from inside my mouth instead, since Dr. #5 had freaked me out so much, telling me how deformed my face was going to look after he did the surgery. He (Dr. #6) stated that the cyst was so superficial, that it was a very easy procedure and less invasive to do it from the outside. He was a good Dr. and I think I have earned the right to differ between good ones and bad ones. Long story short, I had the cyst removed this morning. It seemed to be a cyst containing fat inside, which will be confirmed next week, when biopsy results come in. Not too big of a scar and 5 stitches later, here I am. Antibiotics and pain medication in my system, watching a DVD of my very favorite Celine Dion. Feeling so loved by my FRC family and those who have not hesitated to send me a text to remind me that they are praying for me.

What a journey...I'm so grateful to have discovered some great friendships along the way.

Will keep you posted on the biopsy results :)

A conforting verse......

In my quiet time this morning, this verse pop up. Coincidence? Nah...when it comes to God, there's no such thing.

Zephaniah 3:17
For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Now, that's refreshing!

If I had no fear, I would....

- Go sky diving and experience the closest thing to flying

- Go camping without worrying about reptiles, bugs or similar creatures getting near me

- Play with grass hoppers with Andres

- Ride on every single roller coaster I had the opportunity to

- Finally confirm that I can swim

- Swallow pills instead of chewing them (nasty)

- Walk on the grass at night and not think about frogs jumping on me

- Go to the butterfly world and actually come in

- Love freely without expecting to get hurt

- Travel around the world on my own

- Be less shy or not shy at all

- Dance every time I felt like it

- Do water sports

- Not be afraid of giving birth

- Be stronger

- Be happier

- Be more confident

- Be more successful as a singer and song writer

- Have less arguments and more laughs

- Not run at the sight of conflict

- Be a better leader

- Voice out my ideas even if they were "different"

I guess it's clear. If I had no fear I would live loud, I would discover the joy of true freedom, I would not just wonder what it would be like, but instead, I would know what it feels like. If I had no fear, I would be a better vessel in God's hands.

I have a lot to pray about, a lot of mountains to conquer, but God's word tells me that I can do all things through Jesus. Faith is all He asks of me and faith I will have. When I'm old and grey, I want to say "I remember when I made the choice to stop being afraid and start living, and I'm glad I did".

My passion...and why

He created me, has saved me from death several times in my lifetime, so it's pretty obvious that He's given me a purpose. He's NEVER left me down when I have fallen, He's the only one that truly understands me, He has given me strength when life has gotten hard, He has given me peace when storms have come my way, He knows me...all of me, He loves me and calls me beautiful.
My passion? To sing to Him

My big Sis...

This is Cynthia, my big Sister. Loving, protective, smart, courageous, strong and many times complicated. Sometimes I drive her crazy and sometimes she drives me crazy, but no one can deny how much we love each other.

When I was about 7 or 8 and she was about 9, back home in the DR, I got in trouble in school. The teacher, who acted more like those women dressed in black who fly around in a broom, decided to punish me by hitting the palm of my hands with a wooden ruler and I mean hitting them with all her strength (where was 911 when I needed it?). I stood in front of her and the whole class, as she enjoyed every second of my torture. I cried and cried, but she had no mercy. My big Sister, who happened to be in the room at the time, could not take it any longer and she stood up and screamed: "No more! Don't hit her anymore!" She stood next to me, put her hands out and said "hit me instead". My teacher looked at her and proceeded to slam the ruler on her hands. I stood there, I remember it so clearly as if I was there right now. I stood there watching how my Sister took my pain...all because she loved me. She loves me still...

Does the story sound familiar? Makes me think of Jesus hanging on a cross taking my shame, paying for my sins, dying in my place...all because He loved me. He loves me still. And me? I'm just so thankful for being so loved. Makes me love on my Sister even those days when she's complicated...makes me love my Jesus even those days when I'm complicated, because those days He loves me still.

For we are God's Masterpiece...

Ephesians 3:10

Hard to believe at times...when you feel that there's so much that's wrong with you.

I'm God's Masterpiece? This means He sees value in me! He protects me! He's proud of His creation!

We struggle so much to please imperfect people, to be liked, accepted, to be loved by imperfect people. I hits us so hard when we fail at the task or when we lack this acceptance. Yet, all this time, the most perfect Being stares at us and admires His creation. How can that and only that not be enough for us to feel like we own the world!

I'm God's Masterpiece! That's pretty cool...